Photo by Claudia Soraya - https://unsplash.com/@claudiasoraya
Thoughts & Poetry

Dear Chef… – An Open Letter

How true were your words when you told me you’re not with anyone? I just really want to know. I’m a woman with issues on trust, I’m not the type to be played, I don’t like wasting time like that.

So please, I’m begging you if you’re not sincere with your intentions just forget about me. Forget about whatever we talked about and let’s just live our lives the way we intended to before you swooped in out of nowhere trying to play me.

I can’t fall in love. Not with you, at least.

I can just walk around picking up pieces of broken hearts for the rest of my life, and that would be better for me, I suppose. But to fall in love with you, that is something that I must not do, I will not allow myself to succumb to another doomed love affair.

I don’t intend to run after you, so don’t go thinking I will, and though I can’t shake you off now, I will, eventually.  I guess I’m just waiting for you to tell me the truth, or slap me with it. Humiliate me if you must, just be honest with me. I’d rather be humiliated with the truth than believe I mattered when I’m just another number.

I know…

I hope you get to read this to know that I know. About her… about your daughters. I know you were with her last Valentine’s Day… I saw the pictures. I didn’t want to, but I saw them anyway. I wanted to break my phone when I saw them, couldn’t believe how I have allowed myself to be played like an idiot. I should have trusted my gut from the very beginning. But gullible and lonely as I was, perhaps I chose to put that instinct on the back burner. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have done that.

You know, I wouldn’t have minded you having a kid and be co-parenting. I can let that go, I can accept that, it isn’t my first time. I was waiting for you to tell me, were you thinking that I have guessed or known already? But to tell me you’re single and to tell me that you want me when I made it clear that I’m not up for silly games anymore, that is what’s slowly killing me. I tried trusting you blindly. Guess I was right not to.

I don’t want to prolong this agony… I like you, unexpectedly, I like you a lot and so, let’s just stop this before it turns in to an irreversible affection. I am so tired of games, that field isn’t for me and I found that the hard way, so if you intend to play look for someone else. Just come clean and leave me alone. Or better yet, just go.

A corporate tough cookie with the soul of a gypsy. Professional bathroom singer. Teacher. Poet. A light-eyed dreamer who nitpicks for a living as she waits for redamancy.

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