Most days I feel like my life is just becoming a drag, but it’s nothing compared to the life I live at work. These days, work, which used to be my source of fulfillment, has become a place I dread. Although my view of work has been almost like in a stupor for months, nothing made me want to leave it more than what’s happening lately.

Perhaps it’s my hunger for a better purpose and compensation that made me feel like I am going nowhere hence falling into a stupor, but I am not greedy nor am I completely demanding of what I want in life. To be honest, all I want is to be able to live comfortably and not live from paycheck to paycheck, because let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger and I still haven’t got enough money in the bank to call my savings. I just want to be able to live in such a way that I can actually save up a little bit. I’m sure that people would say that everyone has to start somewhere, and I get that but the thing is I have been here for nearly three years and instead of earning more, I am earning far less than I used to do when I was just a plain teacher (thank you incentives).

It’s not all about money, that’s not exactly my point, it’s about the system. The politics and the changes that are happening before our eyes without so much of a heads up. I am not resistant to change, I am all for it cause I know it’s the only constant thing I’ll get out of life and work but to make our team feel like what we’ve worked for so long means nothing or has no relevance then I don’t see the point of staying. If we have been irrelevant in the company after all, why hire us in the first place?

I’m not going to be too specific on people and events here, but it’s been a long time since I have actually vomited my thoughts on this page about something else other than poetry and I want this blog to stick to its original purpose so I’m gonna say this: our new head is not a leader, our new head is a boss and everyone who can differentiate the two know exactly where the fine line lies. Such situation, although could be advantageous for the company, is a nightmare to employees like me who suffer from a degrading system. This entry isn’t written for the said person solely but about the environment this person is making for us.

To add more log to the pyre, our nitpicking department is now directly under this person. There are six of us in our department in this city and we evaluate around 700+ people a month, and amongst all departments, our department is the only department that has its own process system. Technically, we should be free from problems relating to structure and effectivity but alas, not all things go the way they should especially when our work was starting to get questioned and our data was deemed irrelevant.

To which we could not help but think that all the sweat and blood we put into our hard work was for nothing. I dread reading my emails these days in fear of reading things that would demotivate me and my teammates to the point of a burnout. I can’t handle the fact that this new boss is making it seem like all the work we made was moot, this is not self-entitlement talking I’m sure of it, but it’s my worker side trying to understand why this new person who just came here not even two months ago seem to want to overhaul the entire system. What’s even worse is that the information about our department should always come from us because as far as I know, we know our processes by heart yet there goes this boss who asked people around who have very bias opinion of our department and who are not fully aware of how our job works in the first place. This person doesn’t communicate well with us.

It’s even more disappointing because, from the very beginning, this newcomer would always say that our department is very special because it is where this person started and eventually grew in. We appreciate that but we did not set our expectation bars too high learning from past experiences, but this person still managed to continuously disappoint us in ways that bewildered even the most logical of us.

Today, we have so many pending workloads that we need to finish by the 28th, but it might be unlikely for us to finish everything on time given all the tasks she’s given us on top of the weekly meetings and calibration sessions. I like what I do, believe me; I don’t love it exactly but up to the time, before this new boss came here, most of the things I do in this position does not make me want to vomit. To be even more honest, I love my supervisor… She and my teammates are the only reason why I’m still here and to leave in this crisis is not really the ideal thing for me to do even if I have been meaning to print out my resignation letter.

Also, I don’t want to make decisions when my head is clouded with these thoughts no matter how bad the situation is getting. I’m a reactive person, but surely not rash. At the end of the day, I have to think of myself and the people I work with. I just wish we’d be given a chance to negotiate time and compensation wise, as well as to be given the opportunity to actually set things straight. I have nothing against overhauling the entire department’s processes as long as we’re involved well in it. We don’t want to be be left out and be bossed around as if we were not pioneers. Yes, that’s the self-entitlement talking now but only because it’s well deserved.


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