We lived together for some time nearly two years ago, and during that time I learned more than to pick up myself from the ground, I learned the things that I want out of life. Today, you told me you’re gonna be a father. Funny how time flies.
What we had was a fairy-tale sort of love story (in my opinion of course) when we were younger… much younger than we were when we began living together… with the sun setting ahead of us, the waves lightly crashing onto the shore, and the fine sand between our toes. It was fast, it was bliss, but nonetheless, a love that could have lasted a lifetime.
Ours was the kind of relationship that was both easy and rocky; easy cause we clicked despite our differences, we worked well as a team, and share the same interests to a certain point. But it was juvenile. We were juvenile… But we were always sincere with how we felt, I guess that’s one of the reasons we fell apart. We were both alphas trying to control the other and a certain situation and though we will always miss each other, we can never be together.
Living with you was tough on me… I felt both scared and happy at the same time and it drove me mad. At some point, I felt used and lonely that I wanted to escape badly but couldn’t. I loved you, and I guess a part of me will always remain in love with you only that that love is not juvenile. It’s the kind of love that learned to move on, to understand and forgive.
I am at peace with that now. Though sometimes, you can still drive me to my knees and make me feel small… I guess some wounds still have not healed but I’m praying that one day they will. Especially now that you’re helping to bring a new life into this world… I could not wish you more but happiness and fulfillment in being a father.
I’ve always known you’d be a good one the same way I know that we could be been really good parents together. But that life is not meant for us to share. To be honest, I feel sorry for myself for not being able to have what you’re having knowing so well how much I love kids. But knowing that you’re fulfilling a dream we once dreamed together warms me up on the inside, I may never be your life partner but I will always be your friend, your confidante…
If time permits, I wish to be also a part of your child’s life… I am starting to develop a strong feeling of longingness and love towards the child that is growing inside of her (How weird does that sound? But it’s true.) But of course, I am wishing for too much.
If fate were kinder, perhaps it would permit me to one day hold that child and just love it… I guess my love for you is slowly being passed down to the child that is not mine… I guess the love that I could have to the child that I cannot have could be given to the child you’re helping to bring into this world, and just like my love for you, it will always be with me though my hands cannot grasp it.