Thoughts & Poetry

Evanesce

I’ve written you a love letter late last year, during the time I was so sure you were going to see me again after your long holiday from the countryside. I wrote you that love letter in hopes that finally, after so many years of unsent love letter, I would finally be able to actually send one.

A letter sealed with love and promises that I intend to say and keep, with my fingers crossed and my heart almost skipping a beat, I wrote each and every line so sure that you were gonna read it. I even devised a plan on how I would give it to you…

I could have been some night where I thought you’d drive me home again; I’d hand you the letter and instruct you to read it the moment the light on my window flicks on. In the letter are further instruction on how you could let me know if you want this to continue or not.

Turns out I never needed that letter to know that being with me isn’t part of your plans after all. Regardless of all the promises and the closeness we’ve gained over the holidays…

It is tremendously disappointing, for a lack of a better term.

I thought I’d be celebrating this New Year with you, all 365 days of it. But as it turned out, you will be one of the few people whom I would be leaving behind as soon as the new year began.

It hurts, more than words could explain. I may not be in love with you, but I fell in love in the possibility that you were gonna be the one. The last person I would love and get to spend my lifetime with as you so openly planned out when we were going out not so far back.

It hurts and to say it does is just an understatement. I fell in love with your laugh, your voice, the way you look at me, smiling… I fell in love with the thought that yours would be the face I could wake up to every morning. But I was so wrong; you came back all cold, naive and oblivious of the late night conversations wherein you held my heart and mind in the palm of your hands.

I don’t know what to make of the time we shared; I cannot even consider it as a fling. We barely even touched… shared a bed for a couple of hours but that’s that. I’m sorry if you were expecting more from me that night and I wasn’t able to give you what you expected. You’re really special to me, I wanted to make things right with you, make things right with my life to start anew with you.

But you never came back.

I tried reaching out to you hoping that you’re truly just busy with work as you claimed you were. But I no longer bought it after a week or so…

I honestly felt stupid reaching out to you the way I did. It was petty and truly unlike me.

You do not declare courtship and leave the person hanging. I was prepared. I was prepared to meet you half-way, to court you as well, but you never gave me that chance.

Leave a Reply