Thoughts & Poetry

Period of Reinvention

I have always craved independence but I have been but afraid to leave home. A fact which I have denied to myself for so many times until I finally have had the courage to finally take the leap. I guess what pushed me into the unknown wasn’t the best situation to do it, but had it not happen, I believe I would still be doing nothing at home and not typing this entry from my work computer during my lunch break.

Since I left home and moved in with my room mate I have gained ample time to explore life a bit and reflect more a little better than before. I got a teaching job at a Chinese-based company and every day is something I look forward to. It’s tough. To be honest, I find my current job challenging, however, I am learning everyday, and though I am still trying to adjust to the set of students that I have, I know that in time I’ll get better.

I may be, what most people call a ‘corporate slave’ to the eye of those who doesn’t believe in what I do, but with where and what I have now, I have come to see life at a new perspective. Usually, I’d just go on and do the same thing over and over again; a meaningless routine that I will come to hate in a few months. But here, I don’t know, it’s as if a spot of hope was dropped in my palm that make me look forward for tomorrow. I used to be afraid of what was yet to come, now I have learned to come near and embrace it as if it’s a newfound friend.

I used to dread change.

I guess I was comfortable with how my life had been, even if it was boring; I have become complacent and let’s be honest, I have become lazier. A life that I also dread to have no matter how tempting it is to stay there longer. I have lived but for a certain period of time I have ceased to exist that I have come to the point where I could no longer seem to remember what I did before and how I did those things at all. I have to admit that even until now, I am still trying to adjust to teaching; I love to teach, but the long hiatus left me rusty, incompetent and with less self-confidence.

So now, I am doing my best to pick up my best pieces for me to improve and enhance; I know that where I am now is the right place to do the change I have been meaning to do with my life for the longest time. I no longer just want to be good at something, call me ambitious but I really want to excel. I know that I haven’t done my best yet, but I believe that I will soon come out of my shell and become the butterfly that I am meant to be. I am here to change and to keep on changing to make myself better.

I am where I am now to help myself be the independent person that I have always dreamed about. This is my period of reinvention, and this blog is the perfect place for me to record my life. I am still the Nowhere Girl, making all my nowhere plans for nobody–but myself. I am still Nowhere Girl, but this time with a goal.

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