It has been a long battle. But what battle isn’t. I have fought it for exactly a year, and now perhaps, it is time for me to carry on.
The current situation is definitely tough, maybe tougher when it had started. However, for some reason, it gave me the will to finally move on with my life.
I’m not scared of what you might bring. No. I would have loved to care for you for as long as you want me to. And that’s exactly the reason why I’m bidding you farewell; because you no longer need me even if I think you do. For I know a hopeless cause when I see one, and what we’re in is clearly what it is and nothing else.
When you have told me that you will keep your distance once again, that was the moment when I realized that I have been fooling myself for quite too long and that I deserve a better treatment and a better person.
It is with a tremendous amount of sadness to know that you are not the kind of man you said and I thought you are. You are clearly like the lot. Stupid. An imbecile. I could never have lived with you for a lifetime after all.
I am done. I am done trying to get you. Done waiting for you. I have tried so hard to take control of the situation for quite too long and allowed you back into my world as if you have never left. A mistake that, though I do not regret, I feel remorseful about.
Without such mistake I wouldn’t have come to this realization. I would have still be fooling myself that you will come home to me soon. No. That was never gonna happen, was it? I should have known better than to listen to what I wanted to believe in to what I already knew from the beginning.
But the fact remains, that I have, I still and I will always love you, truthfully, unconditionally. Even from afar, even when you have found someone who has completely no idea of how much you have been loved by someone else. By me. She may not have the faintest clue of who I am and what I have done. I may have no idea what she will be like and how you would respond to her touch, her kiss and the way she calls your name.
I’d rather not know, for it will pierce me hard enough to choke me to death if I find out that you are happier with her than you have been with me. But what can I say, exactly? Had I have known? So now, let me walk away in peace.
I shall leave you now. I shall close the door.