Earlier this evening we sort of talked. I pretended that I didn’t care when in fact I really do. In my hopeless attempt to move on from you… A part of a regimen that I have started not quite long ago.
It was no surprise, hearing from you but what you said was beyond what I could face or accept in the long run.
For a moment my world stopped spinning as I stared back down on my mobile phone. If it was even possible for the heart to stop beating for a second I would say it did and left a dent, possibly a hole where it had supposed to beat. I am lost for words to express how hard and painful to know about it.
What have I ever done to deserve this kind of news? When all I wanted to was for him to come back so I could love him and take care of him. Turns out, if he ever comes back in my arms I would certainly be taking care of him far more than I have expected.
It may not be too alarming to some, knowing the state but but what he has is a traitor. I have seen hearts broken, ripped off, sanity lost and tears flow like a strong current on a river. However, if I had to go through that, I mean, if he ever comes back… I would certainly have my life dedicated to what days he have, may it will end when he’s 33 or 70.
I have loved him for years without a reason aside from the fact that I cannot get myself to unlove him, no matter what he does or what he says. And I shall love him still, and if he will let me, I’ll take care of him again until whatever end we may both have to face; but I shall never forgive myself if he passes on without me on his bedside.